We were driving through the woods on the way to granny's place. We were delivering some rootberry pies my ma baked up, when we ran across a possum in the road. A big one. Earl says he ain't never seen a possum that big. It was right there crossing the road. I looked a second to see if it was followin a chicken. I love chicken. But no, it was all by itself. "Get me my gun Earl" I says to him. Matte Elsbernd - Tuesday, November 10, 1998 at 19:22:19 (EST) "But you're gun ain't loaded Otis" he says back to me. "Then load it Earl. It ain't like you gotta be one of them computa scientists or nothing. Just load it" So he does. Then he hands it to me and I lean out the winda. Matilda May - Tuesday, November 10, 1998 at 19:25:03 (EST) And as Otis leaned out the winda, raising his gun ever so slowly, something Otis had always feared would happen, happened... The possum looked back at Otis, curled up one lip, smiled ever so slightly and said "Otis,... don't shot me. Otis, it's you mama." Dr. Routine Mundane - Wednesday, November 11, 1998 at 09:01:43 (EST) Am I hear you write Mama? Am I hearing you twice Mama? He was frantic, never before assuming his mother could be a possum. She always seamed like she could hang from that curly tail, but he'd never really seen it. He lowered the gun, wiped the tears from his eyes and said "I ain't gonna shot you Mama! I was just hungry." Matte Elsbernd - Wednesday, November 11, 1998 at 11:25:41 (EST) The possum quickly turned to look at him and said, "Boy! What did your mother teach you? Don't ever pass up an easy meal!" With that, Otis raised his gun again and took a shot at the possum. Go Boy! - Wednesday, February 03, 1999 at 11:17:52 (EST) with a burst of glitter the possum exploded. Otis wiped his brow and sighed. leo - Monday, February 15, 1999 at 06:30:32 (EST) Otis then grabbed a shovel from back, hopped out of the vehicle and started to scoop that ex-possum into a little plastic baggie. David - Thursday, February 25, 1999 at 04:39:16 (EST) "Lunch!" He said to Earl, "Lunch for a week." Matte - Wednesday, March 24, 1999 at 11:15:11 (EST) But before Earl could make off with his tasty treat, up rolled the sheriff. Sheriff Jimmy Spudshooter was as easy goin' as they come, but he was still a law and order kind of lawman. And killin' possums in these parts, even for vittles, just wasn't something Jimmy could let pass. Sweet P - Content-type: text/plain Thu Mar 25 11:13:26 EST 1999 Jimmy continued, " I figger I oughta run you on in fer shootin' possum. Lesson' of course you maybe you wanna share some o that there possum with me. You know I jus love possum. ' I can't came the reply!" "Well why the heck not?" says Jimmy? Dave Zueger,Lakeville MN. - Content-type: text/plain Thu Mar 25 12:28:44 EST 1999 (What Sheriff Jimmy didn't know, is that Otis had hidden his old parking tickets in the neatly-bagged possum.) "Arrggh, Brack,Yelp!!, exclaimed the startled sheriff, as he spit out the mixture of paper and possum. "What in the world are you boys tryin' to do", he sputtered. "Poison an officer of the law?" lizard - Content-type: text/plain Thu Mar 25 13:02:30 EST 1999 Now ya'll go home while I pick the paper n' possum out of my two teeth with this here stick. jojo - Content-type: text/plain Thu Mar 25 14:21:12 EST 1999 Otis snatched the stick away from Sherriff Jimmy and whacked him over the head with it. "I'll teach you to take a big ol' bite outta my momma!" He then jumped in the vehicle, leaving his friend with a very dazed Sherriff Jimmy. shannons - Content-type: text/plain Thu Mar 25 15:14:54 EST 1999 'Ah allus knew thar war su'mn peekyooliar about that boy, now ah know whut it is! His mama's a damn POSSUM!" roared Sheriff Jimmy. Harry-O - Content-type: text/plain Thu Mar 25 21:17:22 EST 1999 Otis yelled to Earl, "Get in the car, man!" as an outraged Sheriff Jimmy began to chase after them. Jimmy picked up the discarded stick and waved it furiously in the air. "Y'all git back here! I didn' give y'all a ticket! Damn it, git back here!" But in a cloud of dust, gravel, and possum debris, Earl and Otis were gone. "What we gonna do now, dude?" Earl drawled. brigitte - Content-type: text/plain Sat Apr 10 18:43:30 EDT 1999 "Man, let's head over to Madison County. I got me a pardner over there we can hide out with. Nothin' but peace 'n' quiet to soothe our poor nerves." With that, the boys took off, and got into Madison County just as the sun was going down. As they crossed Crooked Creek, they noticed a strange glowing light up ahead. They just kept going, wanting to reach Cooter Brown's trailer and safety as soon as possible. But it just wasn't to be. This was one wild ride! When they rounded the next corner, the road was blocked up with... princess - Content-type: text/plain Fri Apr 16 13:31:35 EDT 1999 movie cameras, crewman, flood lights and trailers. In the center of the lights stood Meryl Streep and Clinton Eastwood. vanessa d. - Content-type: text/plain Wed May 19 17:37:26 EDT 1999 Clint stood alone near the end of the set, eating some sort of sandwich, and looking mildly offended. "Sure tastes funny", he said in a quiet, but menacing voice. "Wonder where they got this sliced possum...?" Otis, who had just stepped out of the vehicle, overheard the remark and fell to the ground in a swoon. lizard - Tuesday, July 20, 1999 at 13:36:42 (PDT) When Otis came to he explained to Earl why he was so overcome by Clint's description of the odd tasting possum: 'Earl, you gotta help me. I just realized that if my momma's a possum, then I'm half possum and so is my little brother, Joe Bob. This morning he said he was gonna meet them movie peoples cook - for lunch!' Do you reckon that funny tasting possum, was really Joe Bub? daisy - Monday, September 13, 1999 at 22:46:58 (PDT) Earl said, "Naw Otis, You is crazy. Don't you remember nuthin? We done ate Joe Bub yesterday." Tracie - Sunday, September 19, 1999 at 18:46:33 (PDT) and then I called my sister in Arkansas, Little petite but chalenged Dinetta Sittee Doublewider, and she tole me to just go iron some shirts, and I tole here I did not like ironin shirts, and she tole me to just go iron some, I and I repaeated that I did not like doing that, so we both decided to just yell in my 1971 Buick bonfirecowboy - Thursday, January 13, 2000 at 20:48:32 (PST) after about an hour or so of arguing. I tol her to get outof my car. As soon as she got out..i sped off heading...for anywhere. I didn't care, I just didn't wanna hear another thing about ironing shirts. As i drove away, i saw a sign *20 miles to Nowhere*, i thought what the heck i've never been there, and went speeding away towards the sunset Laura - Wednesday, March 08, 2000 at 14:35:09 (PST) We arrived at the Sunset tavern just in time for last call. Ordered two pitchers and two six packs to go. Michael - Thursday, March 09, 2000 at 22:25:39 (PST) That warn't all we drank tho, cuz I had to keep drinkin and drinkin to get that poor possum--my mama--outta my head. Before long, I was completely trashed and pukin' my guts out onto some old lady's huge exposed breasts. There in the vomit in her cleavage, I saw little bits of my mama, and the little bits started talkin' to me. bonnie phyde - Friday, March 10, 2000 at 12:15:12 (PST) My pants suddenly caught on fire and I screamed in pain. My poodle began speaking. He said: "Stop hopping around like an idiot and give me part of your sandwhich. The whole thing would do to." I did as he told me. He took the sandwhich and went under the coffee table. Meanwhile, my pants had pretty much burned all the way up and I had second and third degreee burns on my leg. I ran outside and doused myself with the hose. larry - Friday, April 07, 2000 at 12:15:49 (PDT) and sure enough, possum began springin out of the hose. I screamed to the skies, "Why's my possum mama everywhere I go! She's not supposed to be inside the hose!" Admittin sure enough, though, it definitively helped my burns. Yup it did, it sure did. And then these hooligans drive by me top speed and scream out the window, "You got your mama on your pants!" Matt Hyams - Thursday, May 18, 2000 at 17:09:55 (PDT) "That aint my mama!" I yelled. "That's my knee sticken through the burn hole in my pants" - I smiled as they sped off laughing. That showed them....... Martin - Sunday, May 21, 2000 at 17:41:22 (PDT) I loved my mama...this I did. the blu - Monday, June 19, 2000 at 12:37:56 (PDT) I found a piece of my ma on the floor... I dunno - Wednesday, August 30, 2000 at 03:39:38 (PDT) and darn if it didn«t look like a little possum hiny all bright and shiny. But I knew fer sure that here was a piece of my momma. I fell down on the ground and grabbed them possum bits to my cheeks and in a wierd farting voice my momma said.... rubyscooby - Friday, October 13, 2000 at 21:09:50 (PDT) "Son. You dun good." "Oh Mama!," I cried as muddy tears boozed out of my eyes. I realized I was proud to be the son of a Possum. Nothing meant more to me than this, and I swore to do right by my mama the possum. "Son, bring me to yer father. I ain't seen that no good fart knocker in ages. I... I miss him, son." And I thank to m'self, YES, I would bring my poor possum mama to see my daddy. In fact, I ain't seen that ol' turd since he tried I caught him with the horse in the back shed two years ago. I threw the pieces of my poor possum mama into the back of the truck and drove off as fast I could... Adymiron - Monday, December 11, 2000 at 12:37:54 (PST) WE arrived at my Pa's van, and gee it was dang durtah. "Now that," I said "Is one big piece of traylur park traysh!". Momma turned to me and said "Son git yer AK-47, Im gonna have me some poppa pie!". "Gee momma" I said "Why cant we just talk we only just got here?". She said "Alright son, just put yer AK-47 down over there." Poppa got up, Grabbed an old hubcap, put some budweiser and some pork rinds into the hubcap and started beating it with a dead weasle. "Gee!" I said to momma, "He's doing it just lahke your used to do it! Haw Haw"... Josh S - Tuesday, January 08, 2002 at 03:54:48 (PST) This site is archived and is no longer accepting additions.