There once was a man named Perl. He lived in a c-shell in the small beach community of Linux. It was a sleepy place, not too much to see or do. It was a very literate community, everyone knew how to read and write, but no one knew how to make images. So it was a fairly unartistic place. Matte Elsbernd - Tuesday, November 10, 1998 at 19:51:22 (EST) So, Perl decided that one day he would walk around the beach, saying hello to all of his neighbors. As he was walking, he noticed a large snake working it's way across the sand dunes. "What's your name?", asked Perl. "Why, my name is Python!", said the snake. The snake was very symmetrical and beautiful, so Perl decided to take a picture of it so that he could show it to his friends back home, Awk and Sed. Little Blinky - Tuesday, November 10, 1998 at 20:38:54 (EST) Perl had always been a gregarious fellow, never one to make many friends as he was a little awkward to deal with and often difficult to understand. Everyone seemed to prefer the rather large snake, I think he's an Asp. Why anyone would love a snake is not immediately clear, unless you knew that this snake had connections. You didn't deal with the snake, you might not get to see out your windows. Someone would come by in the middle of the night and smear mud across your windows making them unusable. Matte Elsbernd - Wednesday, November 11, 1998 at 11:22:44 (EST) One day Perl was walking through the garden, staring at all the beautfil .pine trees when he was bitten by the asp. "Oh my!" he shouted, as he looked down to see the blood. "You poisoned me!" Earl Whestheimer - Thursday, November 12, 1998 at 12:43:31 (EST) Perl began sucking madly on his hand, trying to remove any chance of snake-poisoning. His efforts seemed futile however, as people walking past made crude remarks and gestures as to seeing the strange and sorry sight. Perl, unfortunatly, did not have enough money for a doctor, and couldnt possibly suck anymore. It was all up to fate he supposed! the dude - Wednesday, February 03, 1999 at 10:44:19 (EST) But thank god for the open source convention that wandered by. They were having a parade to celebrate the launching of their new operating system created by 126 programmers using Vic20s and using a newly open source developed language named D++. Yet all this was unknown by Perl, nor was he concerned with learning why they people were parading by. He just cared that someone would help hip. grep - Wednesday, February 03, 1999 at 11:09:38 (EST) He pleaded with the 'geeks' and finally, the geekiest one- grep said "O.K., I'll help you out, where did you get bitten?" Perl thought for a moment, should I tell him the truth or should I show him adifferen't location... Perl thought long and 'hard' about that - and about dieing. He wondered what it would be like. He thought about 'the promise land' and all the wonderfull things that were supposed to be happening there, but then wondered if all those stories were in fact true. He wasn't sure and thought "if those weren't true, I might as well enjoy the last few minutes I have left on this earth" so he turned to grep, smiled and said "I got bit right here" Perl pointed.. Then Perl wondered what good ol' Awk and Sed would say when they found out what grep had done... Dave Z - Content-type: text/plain Thu Mar 25 12:54:27 EST 1999 When Perl showed Grep where he was bitten, Grep said "I may be a computer geek, but I know I am not going to be able to help you with that." Grep had a geekette friend that thought she'd be able to help. She did what she could, and Perl instantly fell in love with her. (Because she'd saved his life, of course.) Grepette was also smitten, and consented to a wedding by the sea. Unfortunately, Perl has the worst luck, and in the middle of their wonderful beachside ceremony, an amorous octupus named Baby firmly attatched itself to Perl's head. His best friend Sed said... shannons - Content-type: text/plain Thu Mar 25 16:22:11 EST 1999 "Good Lord, Perl, there's an octopus on your head!" "Don't you think I know that already?" Perl grumbled. "Don't just stand there, help me get this thing off!" So Sed grabbed onto the octopus and pulled until Perl thought his head would come off. But the octopus was still stuck right to Perl's head. The two of them both shrugged and decided that Perl should go through with the wedding, even with his interesting headgear. So Perl just pulled a hat way down over his head and hoped no one would notice. brigitte - Content-type: text/plain Thu Mar 25 19:56:12 EST 1999 As PerlTk Perl's brother; an ordained priest of the brotherhood of Tcl/Tk; was about began the ceremonies a thought came to him. He took a fork() to the vile creature's eight arms. Each one fell off and grew into a new octupus. While the first octupus was still regenerating it's arms he was quickly removed from poor Perl's head. But now there were nine! Jerrad Pierce - Wednesday, July 28, 1999 at 10:24:38 (PDT) "Good God Perl!" exclaimed Sed when he saw the 9 hideous creatures. "What Have you done?" "I...uh... I err.)" Stammered Perl as he stared into the distance in what could only be described as a drug induced trance. Sed being of quick mind and foot slapped the stupified Perl. "Snap out of it!" he screamed, "We must run, run away from the horrible monsters!" And off He and Perl ran. They ran quick, like rabbits, and they ran far... (Not once stopping to slow down and ponder how fast octopuses can move, for if they would have done that, they might not have wasted so much energy. Octupuses are very slow moving creatures... Even mutant, regenerating ones I suppose). When they did finally stop running.... Christopher - Friday, July 30, 1999 at 16:18:51 (PDT) they realized they were lost. Perl sat down and Sed remained standing then Sed sat down and Perl stood up this was their way of trying to orient themselves finally... wolfram - Wednesday, October 06, 1999 at 14:48:58 (PDT) Perl said, reapproachingly, "You know, you didn't have to slap me... It was my brother that caused the kafuffle with the octupi". Perl stared miserably at Sed, Sed stared at the ground with indifference. Perls' brow furrowed further "You hear me, It was my BROTHER !", a tear dropped from the end of his nose. Sed looked up, shocked "Be quiet. You are making me sick". Grimacing, Sed turned his back on Perl and fell into the standard procedure of braiding the hair on the edges of his wrists, this procedure, as Perl had learned via history, indicated that Sed, again, had retreated way deep down, into that dark self centered place known as "ignorance". Perl jumped to his feet. "WAKE UP !" he screamed, his voice breaking at its peak, causing Sed to shudder. Perl grabbed the end of his braids, and pulled. Sed screamed in disbelief as Perl ran into the distance, the greasy, crinkled braids, with the bits of blood covered flesh bobbing in sync with his violent motion. Sed looked at his bloody wrists and ... Jay - Sunday, October 31, 1999 at 21:29:52 (PST) procedure, as Perl had learned via history, indicated that Sed, again, had retreated way deep down, into that dark self centered place known as "ignorance". Perl jumped to his feet. "WAKE UP !" he screamed, his voice breaking at its peak, causing Sed to shudder. Perl grabbed the end of his braids, and pulled. Sed screamed in disbelief as Perl ran into the distance, the greasy, crinkled braids, with the bits of blood covered flesh bobbing in sync with his violent motion. Sed looked at his bloody wrists and ... thought, mmm... blood, and began to lick his wrists. Sed was really a vampire in disguise but he was in denial of this fact because he just wanted to be normal like everybody else. When he realized what he was doing, he became angered at himself, for being a vampire and at Perl, for taking the braids. In his moment of anger and confusion he... Kung - Tuesday, August 29, 2000 at 21:27:11 (PDT) took a faulty compiler and coded himself in VB... lets see where is his head? i dunno - Wednesday, August 30, 2000 at 03:47:07 (PDT) This site is archived and is no longer accepting additions.