"Hahahahahaha!" the TV blares. It's another one of those stupid sitcoms. You know, the ones with laugh tracks at parts that aren't even remotely funny? I was sprawled on the couch, eyes glazed over. This is my life. Interesting, isn't it? Every night, I find that I have nowhere to go, nothing to do, no one to meet. So I always come back in front of the TV, lame laugh tracks and all. Except this particular night seemed different somehow. I couldn't exactly tell what it was, but I had a feeling something would happen. So I got up from the couch and decided to peer out the window. I slowly drew back the curtain and saw... brigitte - Friday, March 26, 1999 at 10:53:14 (EST) ...a black car with the windows tinted so dark that I could not see inside. The car was moving slowly down my deserted street. It came to a stop across the street from my house. Curiously, I waited to see if someone would get out. The driver's side door opened, and in the dim and hazy light from the street lamp I saw... shannons - Friday, March 26, 1999 at 12:43:34 (EST) ..A man in a grey trenchcoat and a face that had seen much better days. A scar ran down one cheek, an eye peeked out from being a large bruise. He seemed angry. Then SHE got out of the car behind him, and he turned to look at her and said something. She nodded and walked ahead of him into the apartment building across the way. Matte - Friday, March 26, 1999 at 14:28:06 (EST) It was plain to see that she wasn't just another pretty face. Her stride was smart and she watched the windows as she approached the building. The tension was thick enough to slice with a knife. As she neared the frosted front door.... Jamie - Content-type: text/plain Sun Mar 28 23:19:28 EST 1999 and my eyes just about popped out of my head as I realized who she was. It couldn't be, not in my neighborhood. And then, she stopped, she turned and she looked toward my window, could she see me, did she know I was watdhing her, how could she know, could she sense me? Did she feel my presence? Unbeleivable, could it really be her looking at me? maryellen - Content-type: text/plain Thu Apr 1 22:24:50 EST 1999 Yes. It was Sheryl St. James. That assassin wench I nearly offed last time I was on drugs. I mean, not real drugs, just that stuff you get from the vending machines near the video store, but close-enough-to-10-bottles-of-Robitussin in-one-pill-for-rock-n'-roll, right? Well, she looked like an assassin when I met her at Beetle's party in the Heights. Had all the black stuff on, the long-shot rifle type in her hands, and kinda surprised to see me seeing her there. But she was really kinda sexy, and the drugs, well, I can't excuse them for my behavior, but let's say I tripped over something and knocked her into a light fixture near the deck window. We thought I killed her, since her head was bleeding and she was unconscious, right? But apparently not, because here she was stomping up to my front door with this evil-looking dude and breathing and everything. She was looking better than ever, but I highly suspected that I was daydreaming all this rather than watching the television, which had suddenly become vastly boring. Maybe if I turned off "Wings," that would help. I closed my eyes. edison - Content-type: text/plain Fri Apr 2 20:48:52 EST 1999 She was reaching out, I saw her unfurl one of her long, fingers, and rather than pointing at the pathetic broken down vespa rotting on my porch, it appeared as though she was going to touch the building, in a very determined way. The doorbell!! I am a genius when I need to be. That was her plan all along, to push a button on the outside of my house which would, in turn, make a noise inside my house. Very clever, well two can play at that game! the boy - Saturday, June 12, 1999 at 04:07:09 (PDT) But how was the bell on the opposite building going to make a noise in my house? Wake up. This was where the laugh track should sound if we were in a real sit-com - I was confused and I was not even on drugs - or a music track a la twilight zone if this were a horror movie. But this was REAL life Not REEL! What was it all going to lead to? Where was the sound track when I needed it most? corrector - Thursday, July 08, 1999 at 01:48:42 (PDT) Instantly it chimes in: "Set in my ways, losing track of the days..." (kind of a metaphor of my existence, at any rate), and I'm overcome by the image of golden retriever puppies furiously licking the strategically applied gravy off the face of a dwarven, freakish little sidekick named Webster. What has it all come to? Did his deceased father reaaaaally play pro football with George Papadopoulis? Wait! Now I remember... the secret passage behind the grandfather clock! Canned laughter of the hauting degree set in as I merged the two realities and created my own getaway from my pursuers... or was this just a case of.... İhappie - Thursday, August 26, 1999 at 06:25:08 (PDT) sudden hallucination caused by a holistic concoction of mug root and herbal tea given me by the man they call the Doctor. Had I payed more attention to what he was doing I wouldn't be in this mess, bu no matter the woman and the tough guy were up to something. If they were real. Which I suspected they were, just not now, not here. I would be more impressed if they... FallenX - Monday, December 20, 1999 at 11:19:17 (PST) slathered chicken gravy all over my pelvic region, buttered my rump, and shoved me headfirst into Satan's womb! Milkbone - Friday, January 28, 2000 at 14:46:17 (PST) Other than that there was nothing they could really do to suppress my feelings of paranoia. Jumping out the front door I miscalculated the stoop and slipped ass first into the street. I blinked. Did they see me? Canthey see me? I stood on my head and pulled down my pants. Is that wrong? Yes. That's all wrong. I walked on my hands back to my front door. Just then I felt somone tap me on the knee. It was her. She was six fott sexy and made of chocolate. Sexual chocolate. wench - Thursday, February 03, 2000 at 13:13:48 (PST) Not just the kind of chocolate you eat, the kind of chocolate you let melt in your mouth. As i slowly got back to my feet, i pulled my pants up as fast as i could. I couldn't let this woman see how much of a child i really was. As i looked her in the face, a bright light flashed before my eye, and i felt nothing, if you can imagine what that felt like... laura - Wednesday, March 08, 2000 at 14:43:16 (PST) my reality collapsed upon itself, reeled inward into nothingness. I felt nothing - saw nothing - WAS nothing.In this void a small awareness began to grow like a light in the dark. "I am an idiot", I suddenly knew. The laugh track came in like a ringing in the ears, piercing through the dimness of my former oblivion. It grew in pitch as it mocked me, taunting me, grew to a deafening roar... backhand - Sunday, July 23, 2000 at 03:59:12 (PDT) i was in a semi-conscious state -- a haziness clouded everything. it cleared somewhat and i took a step forward, only to bump into a sliding glass door. no, that was no door. it was the inside of a television. i looked out at a sloppy fat man in a wife-beater spilling cheetos on his exposed belly. he chewed the radioactive orange snack with his mouth open and laughed when the laugh track gave him the cue. rebecca - Friday, August 11, 2000 at 11:08:12 (PDT) well just as might..i was thinking of all the problems im facing in my project wgich by the way is about collaborative story telling on the net...nd i was thinking to pretend im ill so that i can get an extension nd so im here to add some more bullish lines...my prime concern being how to get children to tell stories nah...how to create the environment in max nah how to model all the cute looking characters nah how to deal with the programming hitches......sob sob sob... aku - Wednesday, November 15, 2000 at 03:13:50 (PST) No, no, no that wasn't it at all. Hallcunating wasn't going to help my present situation and I knew it. it wasn't a master's thesis on aliterative children's poetry creation on the net, chocolate covered fantasies or ...my mind trailed off. That ringing in my ears kept coming back. Front, Everywhere. It was everywhere. It was all around me. It sounded like,like...like dozens of doorbels ringing at once - all with a different song. Yes! that's what it sounded like! It sounded painful too! I thought for a moment in a brief second of clarity it came to me: my current problems we probably all stemming from the vodka soaked raisenets I had been snacking on while watching that Very Brady Marathon I had received on DVD for Christmas. The problem - they had taken all of the funniest moments from the series and edited them to fit onto a single DVD disc. 7.5 hours of Milk through the nose induced laughter all from a single show combined with above mentioned homemade "vodka-nets," was not what my stomach flu needed. As the room continued to twirl around me... Uncle Doo Dah! - Monday, December 18, 2000 at 13:46:14 (PST) This site is archived and is no longer accepting additions.