First Person is a story about & written by the collective "me" There was a low hum... a barely there, but powerful vibration. I wasn't sure if I had just awakened, or somehow appeared here. But here I was and I needed to know why, not to mention where. It was as if my memories were trying to remind me of their existence, but I would have none of it. I could feel my past following me, it intended bad things but i was still glad it was there... dave mc - Wednesday, September 27, 2000 at 08:40:06 (EST) It is at times when my past seems to vanish...poof...gone...into thin air that i begin to worry. Flinging myself uncontrollably into panic obviously, as I watch from above my body and see my exact image racing about with flailing arms, sobbing tears and tripping in confusion over which way to run as I seem pulled in more than one direction. Its times like this that I must force myself not to run in order to keep up. I fail sometimes and witness the blank of nothing as I am seemingly absorbed back behind walls built inside. But I do not remember building, as a matter of a fact, I do not remember how I got here, nor do I know how to get back out and in control of me again. Somehow I always do though, end up back out in the world...misplaced and seized in confusion's firm hold, not remembering the past day or so, sometimes more, as I realize the calendar date is much further along than I ever thought I was. J Truesdale aka all in the faeriering (we are together in this girl) - Thursday, November 23, 2000 at 16:04:07 (PST) My past still fallows me. I try to forget it sometimes.. but it still is with me.I cant get that night out of my head. him pinning me down, taking my innocence like a thief stealing from a baby. i still remember the pain he threw at me. i still remember the words. " SHUT UP!IF I GET CAUGHT I WILL KILL YOU" I JUST CLOSED MY EYES AND SAID IT WAS OK. BUT I DIDNT HIDE MY TEARS. I REMEMBER EVERYTIME HE I TOLD HIM TO STOP, HIS HARSH BACK HAND STRIKING MY FACE WHY? BECAUSE..... ANGEL - Wednesday, February 07, 2001 at 16:29:44 (PST) That was then and this is now. The reality of what had happened has not changed but my perspective certainly has. At the time I felt as though I was being robbed of something my "innocense" as I put it, but in reality that had not changed. Did he get caught? No. Nobody would listen and those that did didn't want to confront the truth that was placed before them. Years of torment caused more by peoples reaction towards me then the act itself. The rape happened in a single moment in time yet the avoiding, lying and ignorance continues time and time again. All of this in built hostility was put to rest when I stopped beating myself up for doing the best that I could. Peace only became a constant friend when I accepted that I had done all that there was to do. I reached in and became attuned to my innocense that I thought had been stolen. I now know that she was hiding behind a sheild of pain. TAndel - Saturday, August 11, 2001 at 03:39:54 (PDT) This site is archived and is no longer accepting additions.