Properties of Women
Scientists Discover New Element
>Scientists Discover New Element
--------------------------------
> The heaviest element known to science, was recently discovered by
> physicists at the Yale's Research Center. The element, tentatively named
> administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number
> of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons 75 vice-
> neutrons and 11 assistant vice-neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass
> of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that
> involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
>
> Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can
> be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact
> with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium
> caused a reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally
> occur in less than one second.
>
> Administratium has a normal life of approximately three years, at which
> time it does not actually decay but, instead, undergoes a reorganization
> in which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons and assistant vice-neutrons
> exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic weight usually
> increases after each reorganization.
>
> Research at other laboratories indicate that administratium occurs
> naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points
> such as government agencies, large corporations, universities and
> can actually be found in the newest, best maintained buildings.
>
> Scientists point out that adminitratium is known to be toxic at any
> level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions
> where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine
> how administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but
> results to date are not promising.
Blood On The Superhighway
Blood On The Superhighway
-------------------------
Al owed me a favor, so he let me use his Chrysler(tm) modem the
week I had to go to one of the Reality Satellites. The Orbital
Attorney and the Turing Police were interested in my testimony at a
trial conducted on that platform's Stupid People's Court--although
the net knows why they wanted me....
BBBC wanted to come with me, so as soon as I jacked in she
brought the car around. It was an incredible sight: solid gold on
the outside, deep burgundy interior, black wall tires. I got into
the passenger side and admired the electronics, from the digital
readouts on the dashboard to the power A/C. The wet bar was a bit
smaller than on most models, but I had brought a cooler with me.
BBBC engaged the drive, and we flew out of the pyramid's parking
garage.
Traffic on the Superhighway sucks on just about any day you go
out. It was bumper-to-bumper downloads for miles. BBBC wasn't used
to this much anguish, and she was a bit hesitant about merging into
the heavy traffic from the on-ramp. It took a little encouragement
to get her going. Some jerk riding a pirated copy of Doom XII
honked at us as we pulled out onto the highway.
For a while we trundled along at a decent 9600. People flashed
their headlights at us and pulled up close behind us, expecting this
behave to inspire BBBC to faster speeds. She merely tapped on the
brakes and ignored the indignant horn-blowing--as if _we_ were
breaking the law, or something. However, I did suggest to BBBC that
she might want to switch to a faster link at the next node, but she
declined.
"You in a big hurry to get to court?" she smirked.
"I'm in a big hurry to get to the hotel," I smirked back.
"Besides, I hate riding on the highway."
"I like it," she said. "You get going, and there's no
stoplights, not much turning to do. You get to see scenery other
than corporate virtual constructs and suburban on-line services. I
feel so _free_ whenever I get on the highway...."
BBBC paused when she glanced into the rear-view mirror. The
sappy look that was beginning to form on her face slunk away again.
It wasn't fear that replaced it, but she was feeling some kind of
trepedation, so I glanced back to see what was bothering her.
It was a huge data-trailer, 200 megs at least, hauling a whole
queue of files some geek had uploaded from a BBS from the edge of
nowhere. Probably a bunch of teenager cyberpunk bullshit like the
stuff the Media passes off to middle-aged conservative watchdogs as
The Latest Pop Culture. A sneer creased my face as I thought of the
drivel that poor schmuck in the cab had to drag along behind him.
The poor schmuck was doing 59.2 KBPS if he was doing a byte.
He was roaring up to us, and he flashed his lights.
"Dumbass," I sneered some more. My self-righteous quota hasn't
been filled this month. "He oughta merge into another line."
"Umm, he can't," BBBC said, her voice shaky. "We passed the
last node a second ago. We're not going to reach another one for
almost a minute."
The data-trailer was closing in. The driver must've had a hell
of a soundcard, because the horn.wav he blared rattled the windows
of the car. The obvious move now would have been to speed up, but
BBBC is incredibly anal about data transfer--she follows the exact
limit, and not a picosecond faster.
He was only a few microplancks behind us. His lights flashed
again, the horn.wav went off, and as I looked up through our rear
window, I could see the jerk grinning down at us. I snarled. "I
hate tail-gaters," I told him. He flipped me off.
I glanced down at his bumper and read the header file. His
data transfer had originated from some Beverly-Hills-type
interactive "service" that must have started out life as a Freenet.
The data-trailer was covered in virtual muck and slime, the logo
"Go-Phar" splattered in four-foot-high green letters down the sides.
The geek who'd hired out this particular transfer protocol was
looking for someone who didn't mind shlepping around erotic GIFs for
practically nothing. What a couple of weenies!
The weenie behind us sped up and slammed into our rear bumper.
BBBC screamed. "Why the hell isn't he driving on a faster link?"
she yelled.
Good question, I thought. The dork wasn't going to put up with
quick braking and smug looks. I wondered if Al had ever encountered
any jerks like this, and I checked under our seats. Al was always
one for peaceful co-existence, but his wife Tippy is a professional
headhunter in the Real World, and more paranoid than a televangelist
on Mexican TV. This was _her_ car, and she had some really neat
toys lying around in the back.
Like a Moderator, for instance.
I reached down and switched it on. It rose up from the floor
behind my seat and sat down in the back seat. "Remember, the person
on the other side is a human being," it said.
"Oh, shit," BBBC gagged. "Turn the damn thing off, will you?"
"We're going to need it," I choked, as the data-trailer rammed
into us again. "That guy's going to wind up rolling over us unless
we do something!"
"Can't we distract him, try to lose him?" she cried. She
looked around as if she expected another off-ramp to appear, or
maybe the ditch at the side of the Superhighway would disappear so
she could get onto the frontage road and let the maniac behind us
pass.
"There's a Flame-thrower in the back seat. It'd distract him,
but we have to reach a node first. I don't think there's any other
way."
"Don't flame," said the Moderator. "It's not nice."
I pointed over the Mod's head. "That guy behind us is passing
pornographic material through the nodes," I said. "I'm offended! I
demand that you do something immediately!"
A keyboard slid out of the Moderator's stomach. The Moderator
started tapping on it, glancing back at the cab's bumper to read the
header. E-mail started forming in the air above the keyboard:
[mindless drivel about pornography deleted].
I stopped him at that point. "What, you don't have a dot-file
to dump this guy in? He's about to 'bandwidth' our asses right off
the system!"
"I am following accepted Netiquette procedures as outlined
in...." it began.
The data-trailer smashed into us, and I saw our rear bumper go
flying off to the side of the road. The car started to shudder.
"He's knocked out the alignment!" BBBC roared. "One more hit like
that and we're going to lose the rear axle!"
I looked at the Moderator, and pointed at its keyboard. "May
I see that for a second?" I asked.
"Certainly," it said. "Just do not attempt to access any one
or zero's account; that would be against Campus Policy."
"Sure," I smiled. I picked up the keyboard. I reached across
BBBC--not an unpleasant experience, but a maneuver that she was not
entirely interested in dealing with at the moment--and pushed down
on the button on the side of her door that activated the right rear
window. Nothing happened. I pushed on it twice, quickly, and the
window disappeared.
Basically I try to avoid any activity that involves throwing,
except for the time when I'd consumed five fifths (a whole?) of gin,
and threw up. But I felt inspired--and scared--so giving it my best
shot, I slung the Moderator's keyboard out of the car. As I did I
held onto the cord, and it flew back and hooked itself onto the
bumper of the data-trailer's cab.
The Moderator reverted to true form. "You asshole!" it said.
"What the fuck ya do THAT for?" So cursing, it went through the
open window after the keyboard. It had slipped behind the bumper
and was now dragging on the road's surface--the Moderator wouldn't
be able to drag it back in by its cord. The driver was horn.waving
at us with all his might, and the noise was horrendous. Unperturbed
by its surrounding environment, the Moderator squatted on the trunk
of our car, extended its arms, and grasped the keyboard. As it
tried to bring the keyboard back up through the bumper, I yanked on
the cord. The Moderator was thrown off-balance, and in a desperate
attempt to save itself, grabbed onto the data-trailer's bumper. I
released the cord, and the Moderator went sliding beneath the
trailer. It held onto the bumper as long as it could, but over the
roar of the wind and that damn horn.wav I heard a shreik of metal,
and the bumper gave way. The header was torn from the data file,
and the entire trailer vanished.
I slumped back into the car. BBBC double-tapped on the rear
window button and it sprang back into place.
I crawled back into the front passenger seat. BBBC reached in
front of me. I thought she was trying to return the favor, but she
only opened the glove compartment and pointed out the revolver.
"Why didn't you use that?" she asked.
I don't know. It's like some people just don't care about the
way they drive.
Love is Like a Crayon Because it Comes in All Colors
Love Is Like a Crayon Because It Comes in All Colors
----------------------------------------------------
From: Victoria Diane Creighton
> > CONCERNING THE ORIGINS OF LOVE
> > ==============================
> >
> > "Cupid kissed God and that got the ball rollin'."
> > Julio, age 9
> >
> > "One of the Greek lady gods got a crush on one of the Greek man gods.
> > He tried to hit her with lightning and thunderbolts, but he just couldn't
> > get her away from him ... After a while, they became the first married
> > gods."
> > Robbie, age 8
> >
> > CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
> > =========================================================
> >
> > "One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has
> > freckles too."
> > Andrew, age 6
> >
> > "No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with
> > how you smell ... That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."
> > Mae, age 9
> >
> > "I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the
> > rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."
> > Manuel, age 8
> >
> > ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
> > ===============================
> >
> > "Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
> > John, age 9
> >
> > "If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want
> > to do it. It takes too long."
> > Glenn, age 7
> >
> > ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE
> > ==============================================
> >
> > "If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family,
> > it doesn't hurt to be beautiful."
> > Anita C., age 8
> >
> > "It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like
> > anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet."
> > Brian, age 7
> >
> > "Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time."
> > Christine, age 9
> >
> > REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE
> > =================================
> >
> > "Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty
> > good too."
> > Greg, age 8
> >
> > HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?
> > ======================================
> >
> > "Mooshy ... like puppy dogs ... except puppy dogs don't wag their tails
> > nearly as much."
> > Arnold, age 10
> >
> > "When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they
> > don't get up for at least an hour."
> > Wendy, age 8
> >
> > "All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together
> > in the dark."
> > Sherm, age 8
> >
> > CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS
> > ======================================
> >
> > "They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good
> > money for them."
> > Gavin, age 8
> >
> > "They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle
> > someday and do the holy matchimony thing."
> > John, age 9
> >
> > CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE
> > ================================
> >
> > "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Dinosaurs' is
> > on television."
> > Jill, age 6
> >
> > "Love is foolish ... but I still might try it sometime."
> > Floyd, age 9
> >
> > "Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place ... We were behind a tree."
> > Carey, age 7
> >
> > "Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been
> > trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me."
> > Dave, age 8
> >
> > "I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough."
> > Regina, age 10
> >
> > THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD LOVER
> > ===================================================================
> >
> > "Sensitivity don't hurt."
> > Robbie, age 8
> >
> > "One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have
> > tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."
> > Ava, age 8
> >
> > SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
> > =========================================================
> >
> > "Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores."
> > Del, age 6
> >
> > "Shake your hips and hope for the best."
> > Camille, age 9
> >
> > "Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs ... and don't
> > worry if their parents are right there."
> > Manuel, age 8
> >
> > "Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get
> > attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."
> > Alonzo, age 9
> >
> > "One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something
> > she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me."
> > Bart, age 9
> >
> > HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?
> > ========================================================================
> >
> > "Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if
> > he's in love."
> > Bobby, age 9
> >
> > "Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold
> > ... Other people care more about the food."
> > Bart, age 9
> >
> > "Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing
> > jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up."
> > Sarah, age 9
> >
> > "See if the man has lipstick on his face."
> > Sandra, age 7
> >
> > "It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They
> > like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are --- on fire."
> > Christine, age 9
> >
> > TITLES OF THE LOVE BALLADS YOU CAN SING TO YOUR BELOVED
> > =======================================================
> >
> > "'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your Nose?'"
> > Arnold, age 10
> >
> > "'You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.'"
> > Larry, age 8
> >
> > "'I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!'"
> > Eddie, age 6
> >
> > "'I Am in Love with You Most of the Time, but Don't Bother Me When I'm
> > with My Friends.'"
> > Bob, age 9
> >
> > "'Hey, Baby, I Don't like Girls but I'm Willing to Forget You Are One!'"
> > Will, age 7
> >
> > "'Honey, I Got Your Curly Hair and Your Nintendo on My Mind.'"
> > Sharon, age 9
> >
> > WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"
> > =======================================================
> >
> > "The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he
> > showers at least once a day."
> > Michelle, age 9
> >
> > "Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally
> > got it out and said it and now they can go eat."
> > Dick, age 7
> >
> > HOW WAS KISSING INVENTED?
> > ========================
> >
> > "I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel warn all
> > over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even
> > stoves in their houses."
> > Gina, age 8
> >
> > HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS
> > ===========================
> >
> > "You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls."
> > Julia, age 7
> >
> > "You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best
> > of you."
> > Brian, age 7
> >
> > "It might help to watch soap operas all day."
> > Carin, age 9
> >
> > WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
> > ===============================
> >
> > "When they're rich."
> > Pam, age 7
> >
> > "It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you ...
> > That's why I stopped doing it."
> > Tammy, age 10
> >
> > "If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a new
> > person, you have to ask permission."
> > Roger, age 6
> >
> > "I look at kissing like this: Kissing is fine if you like it, but
> > it's a free country and nobody should be forced to do it."
> >
> > HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE
> > =======================
> >
> > "Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work."
> > Dick, age 7
> >
> > "Don't forget your wife's name ... That will mess up the love."
> > Erin, age 8
> >
> > "Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never
> > take out the trash."
> > Dave, age 8
> >
> > "Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind ... Love
> > isn't like picking what movie you want to watch."
> > Natalie, age 9
Pinky and Brain
IT'S PINKY AND THE BRAIN!
-------------------------
From: dunno
,. '\'\ ,---.
Quiet, Pinky; I'm pondering. | \\ l\\l_ // | Err ... right,
_ _ | \\/ `/ `.| | Brain! Narf!
/~\\ \ //~\ | Y | | || Y |
| \\ \ // | | \| | |\ / | /
[ || || ] \ | o|o | > / /
] Y || || Y [ \___\_--_ /_/__/
| \_|l,------.l|_/ | /.-\(____) /--.\
| >' `< | `--(______)----'
\ (/~`--____--'~\) / U// U / \
`-_>-__________-<_-' / \ / /|
/(_#(__)#_)\ ( .) / / ]
\___/__\___/ `.`' / [
/__`--'__\ |`-' |
/\(__,>-~~ __) | |__
/\//\\( `--~~ ) _l |--:.
'\/ <^\ /^> | ` ( < \\
_\ >-__-< /_ ,-\ ,-~~->. \ `:.___,/
(___\ /___) (____/ (____) `---'
Star Trek Xmas Poem
Star Trek X-Mas Poem
--------------------
From: Jonathan L. Zung
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ship
Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;
The phasers were hung in the arm'ry securely,
In hope that no aliens would get up that early.
The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks
(Except for the few who were partying drunks);
And Picard in his nightshirt and Bev in her lace,
Had just settled down for a neat face-to-face...
When out in the halls there arose such a racket,
That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pants and jacket.
Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,
Leapt into the cars and yelled loudly, "Deck One!".
The bridge Red-Alert lights, which flashed through the din,
Gave a luster of Hades to objects within.
When, what, on the viewscreen, should our eyes behold,
But a weird kind of sleigh, and some geek who looked old.
But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew,
That we knew in a moment it had to be Q.
His sleigh grew much larger as closer he came.
Then he zapped on the bridge and addressed us by name;
"It's Riker! It's Data! It's Worf and Jean-Luc!
It's Geordi! And Wesley, the genetic fluke!
To the top of the bridge, to the top of the hall!
Now float away, float away, float away all!
As leaves in autum are whisked off the street,
So the floor of the bridge came away from our feet,
And up to the ceiling our bodies they flew,
As the captian called out, "What the hell is this Q?!".
The prankster just laughed and expanded his grin,
And, snapping his fingers, he vanished again.
As we took in our plight and were looking around,
The spell was removed, and we crashed to the ground.
Then Q, dressed in fur from his head to his toe,
Appeared once again to continue the show.
"That's enough!" cried the captian, "You'll stop this at once!",
And Riker said, "Worf! Take your aim at this dunce!",
"I'm deeply offended, Jean-Luc," replied Q.
"I just wanted to spend Christmas with you."
As we scoffed at his words, he produced a large sack.
He dumped out the contents, and took a step back.
"I've brought gifts," he said, "just to show I'm sincere.
There's something delightful for everyone here."
He sat on the floor and dug into the pile,
And handed out gifts with his most charming smile.
"For Counselor Troi, there's no need to explain,
Here's Tylenol-Beta for all of your pain.
For Worf I've got mints as his breath's not too great,
And for Geordi LaForge, an inflatable date.
For Wesley, some hormones, and Clearasil-Plus;
For Data, a joke book; for Riker, a truss.
For Beverly Crusher, there's sleek lingerie,
And for Jean-Luc, the thrill of seeing her that way."
Then he sprang to his feet with that grin on his face,
And, clapping his hands, disappeared into space.
But we heard him exclaim as he dwindled from sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good flight!!"
The Authoratative Santa Claus FAQ
The Authoratative Santa Claus FAQ
---------------------------------
From: Jonathan L. Zung
With the help of several renowned scientific colleagues I am pleased to
present the results of our recent scientific inquiry into Santa Claus and
his annual Christmas Eve jaunt.
1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of
living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects
and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only
Santa has ever seen.
2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT
since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and
Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total--378
million according to the population reference bureau. At an average rate
of 3.5 children per household (U.S. census, World Health Organization,
UNICEF), that's 91.8 million homes. For the sake of our ensuing
calculations we will assume there is at least one good child in each.
3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different
time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west
(which seems logical) This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is
to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1.2
milliseconds to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill
the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat
whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the
sleigh and move on to the next house.
Assuming that Santa's sleigh does not undergo quantum tunneling behavior
and that the 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth
(which of course we know to be false but for the purposes of our
calculations we will accept) we are now talking about 0.78 miles per
household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do
what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000
times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made
vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a mere 27.4 miles per second. A
conventional reindeer can run about 15 miles per hour unless being chased
by a pack of wolves.
4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming
that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds),
the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably
described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more
than approximately 500 pounds on a sleigh. Even granting that "flying
reindeer" (see point 1) can in the absence of ground-based frictional
forces pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the jot with eight or
even nine reindeer. We need approximately 15O,000 reindeer. This
increases the payload- not even counting the weight of the sleigh or
Santa--to 353,430 tons.
For comparison, this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth II
(the boat, not the person).
5. 353,430 tons traveling at 650 miles per second within the earth's
atmosphere creates enormous air resistance, heating the reindeer up in the
same fashion as spacecraft returning from orbit. The lead pair of reindeer
will aborb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per Second. Each. In short,
they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer
behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire
reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 milliseconds. Santa, meanwhile,
will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500 times greater tnan gravity.
A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the
back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pound of force.
6. In conclusion, if Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve,
he's dead now.
Veteran's Day Come as Your Favorite War
Veteran's Day: Come as your favorite war
----------------------------------------
So, I've been invited to a Veteran's Day party. It's a costume
party, of all things.
I thought of taping little plastic guns to red and white roses and
clipping them all over my body, but roses are so damn expensive.
I thought maybe a cardboard guillotine draped 'round my neck a la
the French Revolution might be nice, but a little unwieldy.
Walking around all night with one hand in my shirt might limit my
drinking possibilities.
After careful consideration, I have decided to go as the War on
Drugs. Strategically placed syringes, and baggies of aspirin,
baby powder, and folded up aluminum foil should do the trick.
(Anybody got a DEA hat I can borrow?)
I'm willing to be persuaded, however. Come up with a good idea
and I'll gladly send you a piece of bloodshot eyeball gum as
payment.
The Win A Mansion Contest
*******************************
** THE WIN A MANSION CONTEST **
*******************************
The Win A Mansion Contest is being presented by Bill and
Fran Powderly of New Hope, Pa., with a portion of the proceeds
donated to the Philadelphia chapter of The American Cancer
Society and other worthwhile charities around the country.
The Win A Mansion Contest is a 3 round trivia contest using
multiple choice questions with a GRAND PRIZE of 1.3 million dollar
mansion or half a million dollars in cash, the winner can choose
his/her prize. There are 98 other prize from $500 up to $50,000
dollars.
1. SUMMARY OF THE GAME
2. REGISTERING
3. ENTERING
4. HOW TO REACH US
1. SUMMATION OF THE WIN A MANSION CONTEST
The Win A Mansion contest is a three round trivia contest
using multiple choice questions in three different categories;
sports, entertainment, or general knowledge. The contest
features a total of 98 prizes ranging in value from $500 to
$50,000, and the Grand Prize of our $1.3 million mansion or
$500,000 in cash, whichever the winner chooses. To begin, each
contestant must first purchase an entry kit or that contains
the rules, a demo of the game on disk, and all necessary
information about the game. If they then wish to enter the
contest, they choose their category of trivia and sign and
return the entry application along with a check or money order
for $100.00. The contest will begin 30 days after the 15,000th
entry is received. All $100.00 entry fees are being held in an
escrow account by our bank until the game begins. If we don't
receive the minimum number of entries by Dec. 31, 1994, our
bank will return all the $100 entry fees.
Round 1 will consist of 10 multiple choice questions in the
category of each contestant's choosing. There will be a time
limit of 4 minutes. All questions will be chosen by the
computer at random from the question data base which has 2000
questions per category. All questions have been written by the
Powderlys. After round 1 is completed, the top 10% from each
category who have the most correct answers will advance to
round 2. If more than 10% are eligible for round 2, then the
10% who have answered in the shortest amount of time will
advance to round 2.
Round 2 will follow the same playing pattern as round 1,
except there will be 15 questions with a time limit of 5
minutes. No contestant will be asked the same question twice.
After round 2 is completed, the top 33 contestants from each
catergory, based on correctness and speed, will move on to the
final round.
The final round will be held live in Atlantic City, New
Jersey. Each of the 99 finalists will be sent a check for
$500.00 to help defray the cost of transportation to Atlantic
City. Win A Mansion, Inc. will provide lodging and meals for
the 99 finalists only.
The final round will consist of 25 questions previously
unasked of any of the contestants and with a time limit of 15
minutes. The questions will be chosen from all three
categories. Each finalist will answer the same 25 questions.
The Grand Prize winner will be the finalist who answers the
most questions correctly. In the event of a tie, the finalist
who answers in the shortest amount of time will be the winner.
The other 9 top prizes will be awarded by the same method.
This is a brief summation of how the Win A Mansion contest
is played. The official contest rules and regulations can be
found on the Win A Mansion demonstration disk which is sent in
every entry kit and available at the FTP sites listed.
2. REGISTRATION INFORMATION
(BY FTP)
Go to the following Anonymous FTP sites on the Internet for
a FREE download of the entry packet which includes a demonstration
of the game and complete set of rules:
For DOS software:
site subdirectory file
============== ============= ============
ftp.netcom.com /pub/mansion pcreg.exe
ftp.uu.net /vendor/WAM pcreg.exe
ftp.webcom.com /pub/wam pcreg.exe
For Mac software:
site subdirectory file
============== ============= ============
ftp.netcom.com /pub/mansion macreg.sea.hqx
ftp.uu.net /vendor/WAM macreg.sea.hqx
ftp.webcom.com /pub/wam macreg.sea.hqx
This packet is freeware. It can be copied and distributed free of
charge provided all files are distributed intact. However, to submit
a VALID registration form to enter the contest using the Internet entry
packet, contestants must also have a VALID Internet "proof of purchase."
The first 500 validations are FREE. After that, Internet validations
will cost $5.00 and can be obtained in the following ways:
(BY World Wide Web)
If you have a forms compliant Web browser, you can go to the Win A Mansion
Home Page located at Downtown Anywhere (http://awa.com/wam) and click
on the Ticket Validation option. Be sure to have a credit card ready.
(By Mail)
To receive an entry packet which includes a demonstration disk of
the game, complete set of rules, and an entry application, all
one needs to do is send their name, address,telephone number,
type of computer they will use to play the game online (DOS or MAC),
disk size(3.5" or 5.25"), and a check or money order for $7.00 to
cover shipping and handling to: Win A Mansion, PO Box 490 ,
New Hope , Pa. 18938. If you need additional information you can
E-Mail inquiries, our internet address: mansion@netcom.com .
3. ENTERING
If you wish to enter the contest, then simply return the validated
entry application along with a check or money order for $100.If you
don't have a valid internet validation, then send two checks or money
orders one for $7.00 to cover your contest entry validation and one
check or money for $100.00 to cover your contest entry to: WIN A MANSION,
PO BOX 490, NEW HOPE, PA. 18938. All entry fees are being held in escrow
until the game begins and will be returned if the minimum number aren't
received by December 31,1994.
4. HOW TO REACH US
You can reach Bill Powderly at 1-215-862-9536 (voice)
1-215-862-0240 (FAX)
Our E-mail address is mansion@netcom.com.
--
--------------------- -----------------------------------------------
Bill & Fran Powderly || Drop by Downtown Anywhere and see the house!
|| We're right on Main Street.
|| (http://www.awa.com/mainst.html)
215-862-1540 (Voice) ||
215-862-0240 (FAX) || Or pick up info about the game, rules, etc.
mansion@netcom.com || (ftp.uu.net - /pub/vendor/WAM/README)
|| (ftp.netcom.com -/pub/mansion/README)
--------------------- -----------------------------------------------
Properties of Women
Properties of Women
-------------------
From: cpardey@sydney.DIALix.oz.au (Craig Pardey)
WOMAN: A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: Wm
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 53.8kg (but known to vary between 40kg and 200kg)
OCCURENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas
HALF LIFE: Deteriorates after about 25 years,sometimes rapidly losing shape
and lustre
*PHYSICAL PROPERTIES*
Surface is usually covered with a painted film
Boils at nothing, freezes without known reason
Melts if given special treatment
Bitter if used incorrectly
Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore
Warms tp pressure applied to correct points
*REACTIVE PROPERTIES*
Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
Can explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
Stable in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol
The most powerful money reducing agent known to man
*USES*
Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
May be a great aid in relaxation
Can be an effective cleaning agent
*COLOUR*
Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state
Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
*HANDLING*
Highly dangerous except when in experienced hands
Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at
different locations as long as the specimens do not come into direct contact
with each other.