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From: dbowen@gnu.ai.mit.edu

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                      TOXIC HISTORY OF THE WORLD
                               Part 35.

1739 AD
  Sir Robert Walpole, first PM of GB, somehow manages to start a war
  with Spain that is called, wait for this, I'm not kidding: the "War
  of Jenkins' Ear". Ah yes, what terrible times indeed when two
  nations go to war over some bloke's ear.

1740-1748
  The War of the Austrian Succession. Which is basically as follows:
  Prussia attacks Austria; France invades Germany; Britain attacks
  France; France fights back at Austria and Britain. Etc, etc, etc.

1756-1763
  Just when you thought it was safe to turn CNN back on, the Seven
  Years' War breaks out.

1767
  Captain Wallis discovers Tahiti. He almost calls it Wallis island,
  but then decides that doesn't sound sun-drenched and relaxing
  enough.

1768-76
  Captain Cook sails around the world in the Endeavour, discovering
  and mapping lots of things along the way.

1773
  The Boston Tea Party brings to a head the long quarrel between
  George III and the American colonists. When the British governor
  selfishly hoards the last of the Twinings teabags for himself, the
  colonists call him nasty names, and prepare for war.

1775
  First shots exchanged between colonists and British troops at
  Lexington. George Washington is made American Commander-in-Chief.
  He is to be known later as "Stormin' Georgie".

1776
  On July 4th, 13 American colonies issue the Declaration of
  Independence. They also declare Ya Boo Sucks To The British, and We
  Are The Champions And We're Going To Be A Superpower And You're Not
  So There Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah.

1788
  On January 26th, Australia is colonised, ignoring requests from the
  local Aborigines to "bugger off back to Pommyland".
      Meanwhile, the Founding Fathers draw up the American
  constition, the preamble of which goes something like:
        We the people of the United States, in order to form a more
        perfect fried chicken, establish French fries and protect
        domestic hamburgers, provide for the common Pizza Hut,
        promote general fast food and other delicious stuff for
        ourselves and our posterity do ordain and establish this
        Constitution for the United States of America.

1789
  The French Revolution breaks out like a rash of acne. A young man,
  Marcel Remington, makes his first entry into the world of blade
  sales after a discussion with his mate Joseph Guillotin.
  Remington's guillotine blades become so good that one French
  nobleman is just about to say he'll buy the company when the blade
  chops through his neck, leaving him with a slight speech
  impediment. On July 14th, the people of Paris storm the Bastille
  prison and have a warehouse party there.