The Literary Clearing House (tm)
Literary Clearing House Vol.1
"Blind-sided by a Crazy Thinker"
warning: "don't think and drive" and "friends don't let friends
think".
when the alarm rang, i jumped,
but not high enough apparently,
since i missed my slam dunk.
when the dogs stopped biting my
leg, i went home: they finished
demolition of it only an hour earlier.
i slept on the street corner.
the corner stuck into my back.
my back ached. my head ached.
my stomach ached. do we know
who locked us in the closet?
and why would we assume that
fourteen chimes will bring us
eternal youth? sip the tea.
eat the bee. only the lonely
will pass GO. only the greedy
will collect $200. my three-pointer
made no points. my point made
no sense. i made no cents at my job.
i'm collecting unemployment.
i meant to employ, but i forgot
to implement my ploy. i just lament.
makes sense? not quite, but who would know
better? or for that matter,who would know
worse? and if inspiration pleases, i will perspire now.
dig your ditch. lie in it. if you see me
anywhere close, tell me you are near.
sing a song of six-pence.
what are pence?
and why do i have six?
if i give a hoot and you pollute,
do we have a conflagration?
and if we have an investigation, will it
inspire me to bovine dreams?
of milk with golden honey?
and i have met my perfect match.
it stands tall with a sulfur snatch.
strike it and it lights my fire.
you instill in me a longing for desire.
and i play with words.
but my mother tells me not to play
with my food. i eat my words and live to regret it.
into the future by inventing the past.
if the past becomes the present,
what will become my gift?
tickle my fancy. fancy my tickle.
where there is a will there is a way.
where there is a will there is a guy named bill.
in case of emergency: scream,
puddle in your pants, wiggle,
squiggle, eat cream cheese.
don't be too constipated.
exlax to the rescue.
911 in the case of an accident.
open doors for ladies.
close doors for men.
if when, but maybe. daybreak, new day.
open sez' me. yippidy doo dah. yabba dabba doo. where are you? only
you can prevent forest fires. instigate a peaceful world. cheap love!!
my creative license has been revoked.
Matthew William Elsbernd (c) 1993
Literary Clearing House Vol.2
"the inspector general has deemed this unsafe"
flush it down in silence. drown it out in violence.
when the rain falls down hard
we look to the guidance of our bard.
"Sing us your songs of wisdom.
Tell us your tales of bedlam.
Inspire in us a sense of optimism
to counteract our bleakest pessimism."
when spirits fail to rule
when our hearts become merely tools,
that is when the end should come.
that is the end for some.
twilight brings us night.
loneliness bears only fright.
losing ourselves in the dark:
running in lost circles around the park.
when days become cold and grey
we will be shown the way.
open your hearts in kindness.
bear your soul in blindness.
Matthew William Elsbernd (c) 1993
Literary Clearing House Vol.3
"WordPlay
pot-luck. dish-deja vu.
the dish ran away with the moon.
the spoon got jealous,
ran away with the trellis
and were married in vegas at noon.
spinning in circles.
knitting in squares.
the loom wallows in gloom
as the knitter sleeps with
the baby-sitter and leaves
the wool stuck on the spool.
deep down under.
lightning, rain, & thunder.
my feet are getting wet.
and my credit cards lead
me further into debt.
when the bills are due.
paste my disguise on with glue.
when the cops are in pursuit.
flash them my birthday suit.
pull me in like a wacko flasher.
stick me in a cell with an x-acto thrasher.
look close and see cuts in his eyes.
look closer and see the sucker will fry.
some day they'll place me on parole,
living on my crime's dough roll.
Matthew William Elsbernd (c) 1993
matte elsbernd - melsbern@tuba.aix.calpoly.edu